Seems Like End Times Are Here

“The free man is he who does not fear to go to the end of his thought.” – Leon Blum

And so, after our bus crash we were collected by my uncle David who took us to the Bible Institute in Betijoque where he is the director and where they live. It is a large site of maybe 10 acres reclaimed from the wild Jungle. There are a number of buildings where staff live and a large building used for teaching and housing students/more staff. It is in an apartment in the large building where my uncle and aunt David and Chris live. We chatted until about 3am before going to bed in the apartment we’d been given to ourselves! In the morning we got up at 10:30am (10:00am Colombian time) I braced myself for a cold shower but ended up dancing underneath its scalding water – as it was late morning the sun had been heating the water for hours. The day was spent slowly recognizing pains from the crash which were slowly making themselves apparent. Hannah’s most obvious were a bruised shoulder preventing her lifting her arm, bruised legs, aching ribs and, bizarrely, a persistent cough… Mine were a headache, bruised knees and a bruised shoulder. Chris served popcorn for supper!

The next day was Father’s Day. Mine was conveniently present. Church was focused on fathers (mainly the heavenly one) and all the children were called to the front to receive presents to take to them. I was even called up and given one to give to mine! All the others got a pair of shorts but even though they’d not been expecting my Dad they’d kindly rushed together a pack of oranges and wrapped it up! Brilliant. Hannah’s arm was still aching that afternoon as she’d been shaking too many hands at church. We asked David to put it in a sling for her to give it a rest. We then pinned a ‘Happy Father’s Day’ sign to it and sent a photo of her to Hannah’s Dad.

In the evening two boys living downstairs appeared to play guitar and violin (they did actually play, not just ‘appear’ to) as Dad played the piano, Chris a kind of banjo and Hannah sang. I sat in the corner overwhelmed.

David and Chris were excited to take us to a mountain a couple of hours away. They phoned a friend to check the sky was clear and we set off. Before long it was clouding over, we got to the top around lunchtime and could see approximately 10m in all directions as we stood, freezing cold in the middle of a raincloud. At the top there was a little chapel–shrine thing which contained the statue of Mary as predicted but unexpectedly accompanying her what appeared to be Charlie Chaplin in a suit and bowler hat. I thought it must have been the dizzying altitude playing tricks (we were 4,200 metres up) but it turned out to be a local doctor from the 1920s who they now idolise. Wonderfully there was also a restaurant-bar-shop-lounge at the top with a big open fire in the middle of the room which Chris spent all her time in front of. David got us some lovely thick hot chocolada. The drive back was equally as atmospheric as the drive up, passing through patches of cloud and patches where the mountains showed through their misty coverings. We stopped for the mountain people’s famous potato soup which was very buttery and coriandery. It came with wheat flour arepas which were very different – like thick tortillas. We gazed over a tribal chicken pen on the edge of a mountain meadow as Chris warmed her cheeks on the arepas. A bit further down the mountain we stopped at the house of some friends of theirs who lived in a sparsely furnished little concrete house in the clouds and were served a thin semolina with an almond flavour.

The next day we got up reasonably early to make the most of the last day of our brief stay with David and Chris. A kind lady from the church had invited us to her restaurant/cafe where she sold pastilitos (square samosas) which her husband made. They came with either meat, cheese or cheese and potato and were delicious. We were invited into the kitchen to watch them being made which was fun.

We continued on to a nearby village called Isnotu which claims to be the capital of all things holy… Lots of colourful shops were found here selling brightly coloured nik-naks of poor quality. Isnotu is where a church has been built to promote the case of the Charlie Chaplin doctor. The villagers all want him to be canonised by the Catholics and be recognised as a new saint. There was a large stained glass window in the church depicting the usual ethereal and distant figures but kneeling next to them a man wearing a black suit & tie and what looked like a bowler hat. He also had a rather fetching moustache. Brilliant. But sad. There were hundreds of plaques at a shrine outside paid for by the poor people who ‘experienced a healing by the doctor’s spirit’.

Back in Betijoque Dad got out of the car early to wander back taking photos of the colourful high street and its many doors, scaring the locals. David and Chris then gave us a tour of the institute site where Dad and I spent most of the time slowing everyone down as we took photos of bugs. We were then invited in for cafe con leche with one of teachers.

Dad had had the brilliant idea of waiting until sunset to visit a lake we had been going to visit earlier in the day. We set off at 5pm and had a beautiful drive through flat open fields of grass or cows or both. There were large elm-like trees isolated in the fields and but for the banana plantations, we could have been in merry old England. We spent about 45 minutes at the lake before the sun set completely. There was a concrete pier snaking 30 metres or so into the water which made a great platform from which to photograph the flaming sky. Helpfully, someone had moored a rowing boat a fair way out into the lake leaving us the perfect foreground for our pictures. The sky was home to some impressive cloud formations and exploded into bright pinks and deep purples and vibrant oranges in the clouds which curled around the horizon. It was well worth the trip. Feeling inspired, David stopped at a burger shack/kitchen by the side of the road in Betijoque. We were about to sample some of the most supreme hamburgers we probably ever will. We watched as the artist skilfully constructed them:

BREAD
TOMATO SAUCE
MAYONNAISE
POTATO BITS
BACON
FRIED EGG
CHEESE
HAM
STEAK PIECES
LETTUCE
TOMATO
BREAD

Somehow the completed masterpieces were toasted ON BOTH SIDES without falling apart. They were wrapped in paper and cut in half to give us a chance to tackle them. They were consumed there and then sitting on garden furniture by the side of the road.

Wednesday 23rd was our day to leave. It was a 45 minute drive to the airport and we left at 11am. Our flight was at 1240 so we thought we had plenty of time. As we were exiting Betijoque we came to a traffic jam. Chris turned the car around and tried a different road. This too was blocked. Thinking this was a little odd, David got out to investigate and found that there was a protest underway and the road was blocked! We would have to take the much longer route, closer to an hour and 15 minutes and we had been sitting in traffic for 15. David asked Chris to move over as he took the wheel for an hour of James Bond driving. Every questionable opportunity to overtake was taken, potholes didn’t exist and we flew to Valera. At first I was concerned about missing the flight but I quickly became desperate for the toilet and could think of nothing else as we bounced along. David magically got us there in under an hour like the action man he is. The plane ended up being half an hour late. When we reached Caracas at 2pm we had until 4.50pm to play Scrabble before our connecting flight left for Puerto Ordaz. It didn’t actually end up leaving until after 7pm. Apparently this is normal for Venezuela, too many flights are booked for the number of planes!! Anyway, we made it to Puerto Ordaz by 8pm and were collected by Luis & Joanne and two of their three children Jordan (13) and Benji (7). The other twin (Joshua (13)) was at home. The man checking we had taken the correct baggage spitefully took my boarding pass. As I am collecting all the ones we’ve been given I snatched it back but he snatched it back once more and I didn’t have the guts to go for it again.

Great to see the Jaspes again. They took us back to the house they are currently moving out of (to Betijoque). It is within a secure compound with a manned gate for the block. The house itself has a remote controlled gate and an electric fence. Apparently Puerto Ordaz is the kidnap capital of Venezuela! Hannah and I were sharing a partitioned room with Dad. It has air conditioning which is such a relief from hungry zancudos. Outside the house there are two enormous satellite dishes about 10 metres high. Apparently they aren’t for contacting aliens but he didn’t tell me what they were for…

After breakfast the following day we piled into the car, the kids in the boot and we set off for a large dam about an hour away. After watching an informative video documentary (in Spanish) from the 8Os, with an incredible soundtrack, we were told that we would not be able to visit the dam that day as no bus drivers had turned up to work. The guys behind the desk were very apologetic and gave us the DVD we’d just seen and a book about the place full of nice pictures.

A huge lunch of spaghetti bolognaise later and we set out again for a nearby park which by far made up for the disappointing dam. We wandered through the park in the sweltering sunshine, crossing streams and rivers on concrete stepping stone pathways. We had brought lots of little dog biscuits with which to feed the many fish filling the waterways but were told to save it for the ‘big ones’. It was a lovely park with nice trees and the like. Just as we thought we’d seen all it had to offer, we turned a corner and as we crossed a bridge the ground dropped to a river 50ft below us. Just opposite the bridge was a huge, noisy waterfall beginning level with us. Next to this was a long horizontally continuous waterfall at the same height, followed by a further series of smaller, disconnected falls, all looking very dramatic and beautiful. We continued wandering and found a stall selling fruit flavoured ice, like a Slush Puppy, which was extremely welcome. We then found the big fish we had been promised and gave them their food. It would have been very easy to go fishing there as 50cm beasts greedily flopped over each other at the water’s edge. All around the park there were mango trees ripe with fruit. They looked delicious and yet all the fruit seemed to be left to fall and rot. They obviously don’t know how exotic mangoes are. A little further on Benji spotted a small bright green iguana in the bright green grass next to a lake. A wonderful chase ensued with Luis, Joshua and Jordan chasing the lizard and me running after them to get a photo. It ran on the water of the lake briefly before sprinting across the path and into a pile of logs, from which Luis managed to extract it. We took turns holding and photographing it and it behaved very well. We put it on Hannah’s hat and she wandered the park as it sat in the depression of her hat looking forward as inquisitively as a lizard can look. I definitely think she needs to get a lizard to keep on her hat permanently.

That evening we ate at the mall nearby. The others had Chinese or hamburgesas, Hannah and I shared an enormous sandwich which put Subway to shame. The meat and greens bulged from its sides as we tried to squeeze it into our mouths and sauce dripped thickly onto the table. It was fun to watch Hannah’s attempts.

Friday the 25th was a lazy day of uploading photos onto Facebook until the evening when some friends came over and we all played volleyball in the back yard. Six or seven games were played, it was a lot of fun and good to get some exercise. We were even doing some things correctly by the end. Ham and cheese sandwiches were followed by cups of tea on the roof and a clapping game which my Dad instigated.

After a breakfast of bacon and eggs we set off to visit a couple of castles an hour or so away. They were mainly reconstructed using new stone and didn’t look old but there were a lot of old cannons dotted about. The castles both overlooked a wide river, presumably so they could spot marauders back in the day. It was a very hot day to be wandering around brick buildings up steep paths and once we had left the castles we bought 6 litres of coke and drank it in disposable espresso cups. On the way home we picked up a couple of spit roasted chickens which Dad treated us to. They were delicious, I was eating chicken like it came from KFC, I couldn’t stop. In the afternoon Luis showed us the print shop and some of the Bibles they have which have been translated into tribal languages. One of the New Testaments he showed us had taken 30 years to create via a lengthy process involving learning the language, writing a verse of a passage, getting a tribe member to read it back to you and explain what it says, writing it down again, reading it in English to a consultant and have them check all the key points are still covered appropriately. Something like that.

Luis took Dad and I to the mall for a look around before Dad got his haircut by a very efficient, stern looking hairdresser. More hair was taken off than he is used to but it didn’t look bad. We had toasted cheese and ham sandwiches for tea and played an intense game of Dutch Blitz. The Jaspes take DB very seriously and play like maniacs. There is little chance of beating them.

On Sunday we did not go to church as Dad had to be taken to the airport. We didn’t go with him because we were watching the shameful England/Germany match at the English secretary from Cumbria Tanya’s house. Dad and Luis could only stay until half time before departing for the airport.

The only thing done of note on Monday was a visit to half-price cinema where we watched and enjoyed Robin Hood. We were sharing (in pairs) enormous boxes of popcorn and gallons of coke. A little shopping resulted in the purchase of four postcards.

On Tuesday we woke up at 10:30am and so missed breakfast! We had mash for lunch and then phoned homes in the afternoon using the free missionary-home phone. For dinner in the evening we had delicious arepas filled with muy deliciousa black beans.

The final day of June was spent half reading books and the other half at their friend Juan’s orange farm. Once we arrived we hung off Luis’ car as he drove through the fields to reach Juan’s house. Juan is a lovely guy, very friendly, a shame we can’t talk to him properly. He gave us nice cool fresh orange juice to drink followed by black coffee. Luis and I searched for scorpions and snakes but found only tiny frogs and parrots. Later Juan showed us a hive of killer bees, but we couldn’t get very close… We all went down to the river and paddled/swam. I found a coconut wedged between some rocks and hacked it open. This is a tricky process involving the shaving/slicing off of the 2 inch thick tough fibrous outer layer using a machete to eventually reveal a hard sphere about a quarter of the size of the original fruit. A hole was carved in the top of the sphere and Hannah and I drank the surprisingly good coconut water. I could see myself surviving quite happily deserted on an island with palm trees. I hacked the coconut into two shining white halves with one expert whack of the machete. The creamy flesh was quite delicious, much nicer than a Bounty or supermarket coconut.

The next activity involved hooking mangoes on his trees using a hook ended long pole and pulling them down for a catcher to catch. Juan’s mangoes are massive. They are MANgoes. About 25cm long. Of course, being on an orange farm, we then picked bagfuls of oranges. Surrounded by so many oranges, I only saw one that was orange. Green does not mean unripe in South America. Juan showed us a snake he had killed that morning. It was only about 30cm long but looked vaguely like the extremely dangerous coral snake. Just as we were getting into the car to go home we spotted Juan’s blue and gold macaw, a beautiful creature with unbelievably boldly coloured feathers.

In the evening we had a game of hide and seek in the house with the lights off. Hannah and Joshua were the only ones who took any time to find. Hannah was hiding inside the bottom of the china cabinet where no one (except me but I was keeping quiet) had thought to look. A few games of that were followed by Spoons and Dutch Blitz.

The next day Hannah decided our passports had gone too long without causing us any trouble so she put them in the washing machine. When they came out one of the only stamps almost completely washed away were the Venezuelan entry ones. I’ll let you know if we can’t leave.

A couple of days later was the 60th birthday of Anne, one of the missionaries. We sang Happy Birthday in Spanish and English and ate a shiny cake. It was also the day of Andy Murray’s semi-final defeat at Wimbledon. I had found out that morning that we could watch it here and did so eagerly. Very strange to see such a British institution still going on so far away, all the pink bodied spectators in their attractive sun hats. The call to lunch ended my viewing, just as Nadal was securing the lead which would win him the match.

Not long after lunch we set off for a nearby river with a beach which is a weekly retreat for the family and their friends. This time it was to celebrate Anne’s birthday too. A thin strip of sand edged with shapely, shade-providing palm trees ran along the river’s edge. It was more like a lake as there was a large dam out of sight down river. At one point whilst we were there the sluice gates must have been opened as the water level began to drop rapidly.

We swam in the water, ate cake, took photos, ate watermelon. It was a very hot and still day although thunder could be heard in the distance and rain seen far behind the opposite bank. After we had been enjoying ourselves for a couple of hours it was clear the storm was heading our way. Eventually the still air was replaced by a howling wind which beat the palms, blew chairs over and whipped the water into  rolling white caps. We watched a dark cloud, tall and long, roll across the horizon and on towards us. Everyone evacuated before the intense rainfall began. We could see the lake disappearing beneath a white haze as we drove home.

After my favourite dinner of arepas and black beans Luis spontaneously decided we should go to Wendy’s and get ‘Frosties’ (a mix between a McFlurry and a milkshake). The air-con was painfully high inside and we ended up seeking shelter outside. Wendy’s and McD’s are both ridiculously expensive – £7.50+ for a normal meal deal!!!!

Back home we played a new card game called ‘Phase 10′. We started at 8.30 and finished at 11.30pm, it is an epic undertaking.

Mall investigation ensued on the weekend with a pause for coffees topped with mounds of cream and kirsch-soaked cherries.

In the afternoon on the Sunday we visited a monkeyless monkey park and ate fruit off the floor. We saw an iguana about 1.5 metres long and got close enough to it (without it bolting) that I was able to use the camera’s macro function! Good to see one after missing the one my dad saw back in Betijoque.

Luis bought some ‘monkey grapes’ and then took us to a large dam nearby. An impressive structure with lovelily landscaped grounds.

The final stop of the afternoon was the ‘Christmas Park’ complete with a 40ft Christmas tree structure, giant dilapidated candy canes, a 10ft wooden ‘troll’ and a full size windmill. It was all so Christmassy. Good fun to look around and we were treated to some tasty cake!

Marmalade sandwiches for tea. Yes!!

On our final Monday we again visited Juan Carlos’ orange farm. This time a large group of friends from his church were there and a BBQ lunch of fish and chorizo was served. Everyone went for a swim in the river running through his property and Luis, Joshua, Jordan, Jonathan (a friend staying at the Jaspe’s) and I explored up river. It had rained all morning and the current was incredibly strong. We had to use all our strength not to get washed back downstream into the hidden rocks. Lots of fun. There were vines hanging from the trees which when shaken knocked/scared large iguanas into diving headfirst into the river – a sight I would recommend you seeing.

And so, and so, this is the penultimate day (the day before the day before we fly out of Venezuela). We will pack our bags for the 50th and final time tomorrow and we will say goodbye to the lovely Jaspes as we say goodbye to the/this World Travel chapter of our lives. As we prepare ourselves for ending this part of our adventure we feel odd. It doesn’t feel like we have been gone very long at all and yet if we think back over what we’ve done, where we’ve been … safari in Africa, surfing in the Philippines, driving around New Zealand… it seems like we’ve been a lifetime away from England. Each place seems as a different trip – did we really climb Table Mountain on the same trip we ate arepas in Colombia?! What a brilliant time we’ve had, what amazing people we’ve met and what endless hospitality we’ve learned from. And oh, what a brilliant finale as this evening we head out for a meal at Pizza Hut.

On Thursday (8th) Luis will take us to the airport, we will fly to Caracas at 8:40am and wait there until 5:30pm. Assuming our washed passports get us through, our plane will take us via Madrid to London Heathrow by 10:05am on the 9th, where the gorgeous Crosses will be eagerly awaiting our appearance, clutching gifts of Rowntrees Fruit Pastilles in their trembling hands.

That is about all there is to it. I have no more to say. I feel nervous and naked and strange.

Looking back, my biggest disappointment of the trip is that Hannah never took the time to find an opportunity to use her Shewee.

Brownout.