The Fantastic Story of the Eccentric Scientist Who Unlocked the Mysteries of the Middle Kingdom

Part II

The last (and I mean LAST) week and a bit began as we packed up our things from Joan’s house and set off in the car once again for our final exploratory NZ roadtrip. We were heading South to visit Queenstown and then up the West Coast to hopefully see the glaciers and some wild coastline. At the end of the week we were planning to meet Ants and Sandy who were taking a holiday to the coast to meet us. The first day, when we had a 6 hour drive, the weather was ideal – blue sky, crystal clear visibility – perfect for all the jaw-dropping views. After a few hours and a few hundred kms we reached Lake Tekapo where we pulled over for scones and jam. Nearby was a tiny chapel resting alone upon the tip of a small peninsula into the lake. A tiny one-room thing with pews for about 50 people. It had an incredible view through the large window behind the pulpit. As we were there a woman was getting a little organist on a little organ to play through some songs it seemed for a wedding.

A little further on we came to another lake an eerie milky blue colour fringed by fir trees. The stunning snow coated Mt Cook (NZ’s tallest) dominated the horizon, reflected just as magnificently in the water below it. We were beginning to understand even more why people love the South Island so much! At a dam a little further on we saw whirlpools…I wanted to throw something in, or even jump in, just to see what would happen but Hannah was a spoil-sport. The entire drive was tear-inducing; endless blue sky, mountains in all directions, the taller ones capped with snow, long straight roads through a savannah landscape broken up by the occasional enormous mirror of a lake. As we entered a mountain pass to reach Queenstown, we followed a blue river running in a deep gorge below us. Awesome raw power.

We were staying in a great little bach belonging to Andy & Pauline’s parents on the shores of Lake Wakatipu, a very large chair-shaped lake next to Queenstown. We were in a small town called Frankton on the way into Queenstown. The bach was at lake level with great views over it. Just behind the house were the Remarkables, a mountain range that lived up to its name. They towered over the whole town and it was fascinating to watch how something so huge and immovable can be so dynamic. There was a small wood burner in the lounge and we got it going before settling down with lamb patties & chips and a glass of wine for tea.

In the morning we found yet another stunning day – not a cloud in sight! We spent the morning in nearby Arrowtown, famous now for its Autumn leaves and a hundred years ago for a gold rush. On the way we stopped at Lake Hayes, apparently the most photographed lake in NZ, just to join in the fun. In Arrowtown we had a coffee at a cafe where everyone was French and we saw some real life gold nuggets…in a jewelers. We did have a go at gold panning in the river using our breakfast bowls. Hannah was addicted. The water was freezing and she kept telling me enough was enough and we had to go back to the car but I’d turn back to see her swirling another bowlful. She had Gold Fever. If it was Narnia, she’d be dead.

In the afternoon we drove the car up the road on the side of the Remarkables – it leads to a ski lodge in use in the winter. It was only 14km but pretty steep, bumpy and dusty – it used 100km of petrol! The views were dramatic and death felt close by as we took blind corners with no barrier before a deadly drop. At the top when we couldn’t drive further I wanted to walk to the top but Hannah wanted to go home. She let me go for a walk alone and I walked/jogged until I couldn’t breathe. I found a stream and could see the top in the distance but felt I’d achieved enough. It was cold up there and took a slab of ice back to the car to prove how high I’d gone.

Our final day at that lovely bach the weather man told us it would rain torrentially for the next 4 days with 120km/hr winds. We spent the morning on the half hour walk into Queenstown which turned out to be 1.5hrs. A lovely walk alongside the lake, again amongst Autumnal joy. Interesting to note the contrast between original bachs on now-prime real estate, built with cardboard and chewing tobacco and the new mansions of glass and steel being built where the classics once stood. Also spotted some fairytale red-with-white-spots mushrooms on the way. We whipped around Qtown after eating our sandwiches, there wasn’t much to see and we were fearful of the promised downpour. A pretty town but all very new and built for tourists in the ski season. Maybe I’ll return in 150 years to see some character. The sky darkened and then cleared on the way home, no rain or wind.

The rain was upon us in the morning as we drove North and West to the West coast. However this merely made the scenery take on a more dramatic appearance – alongside the road recharged waterfalls cascaded off dark mountaintops beneath threatening clouds. Lake Hawea yielded some of the best views we’ve yet seen – the sun was forcing its way through a thick blanket of white cloud and shimmering on the lake surface. A finger of cloud encircled the dark moody hills on the opposite shore and newly refreshed waterfalls gushed down through the native bush clothing the harsh peaks, appearing as silver ropes being lowered maybe by some beastly Maori giant. It was definitely the first major LOTR moment. All along the road to the West coast we were following rivers and waterfalls. Occasionally we’d spot a DOC sign pointing out a 2 or 5 minute track to a viewpoint. We would park up and wander to the waterfall or lake or gorge. And so we meandered along. Eventually we reached the coast where dramatic beaches abound. We stopped at a cliff promontory for lunch. Our view was of wild water crashing onto deserted beaches, painful tooths of rock, erupting black from the swirling, foaming water which violently broke upon them regardless and angry for the impediment. The sun had broken through the clouds and encouraged our old enemies the sandflies to make a reappearance in our lives. As we munched on our lunch, they munched on theirs. We did not linger longer than necessary. As we passed along beaches back at sea level, everything was even wilder – sand strewn with driftwood – huge bits, some still tree size. At one point where the road followed a beach, sculptures had been erected between sand and road of driftwood and flat stones inscribed with marker pen. Visitors had constructed these constructions over such a long period in such close proximity that the result was one continuous installation from forest in the South to forest in the North. The stones were covered with mementos, ‘We love NZ’ signed by the artists, or political comments, ‘Down with sandflies!’ or simply helpful life instructions like ‘be good’ or ‘Peace, love, Joy’. We wandered amongst the things until the spray from the roaring waves had saturated our outer layers. The forest at the Northern end of the beach-clearing was comprised of tall trees with thin trunks and small dark canopies. They were evenly spaced in ranks right up to the edge of a cliff 8ft high at the beach’s edge. They had the appearance of an gnarled and ancient army which had marched the length of NZ only to reach this remote and wild part of the world where they now lingered, unsure whether to turn back or to advance headlong into the surging ocean.

In the afternoon we finally made it to the much anticipated Fox Glacier. We drove down it’s U-shaped valley, remarking on the extensive scree and lovely waterfalls before reaching a carpark before the glacier. There were some threateningly official looking red signs in sight and a man in an orange jacket. We walked up to see that the path to the glacier was no longer in existence. I was mortified – all this way and just a glimpse of a glacier. To top it off, there were no translucent mints in sight. It was the glacier itself which had destroyed the path and I felt a little idiotic for expecting and demanding viewing rights from something so huge and dynamic. The orange jacket informed us that Franz Joseph glacier was not far away and was accessible, so we set off, Hannah relieved I hadn’t started crying.

Franz Joseph is reached via a walk through native bush and then a walk up its own U-shaped valley. Very dramatic scenery – the glacier growing as we advanced. Amazing power before us. Two men died getting too close to Fox glacier last year. A river gushed forth from a cave reaching deep into the glacier’s icy bowels. The noise from the roaring water was incredible. So pleased to have seen one of the blue-tinged beasts close up.

That night we were expecting to get to the bach we would be sharing with Ants and Sandy. We found a message on our phone telling us we wouldn’t be able to stay there until the next day. A night in the car would be necessary. We weren’t thrilled by the idea but apart from sandflies it was fine. We found a little campsite by a lake, ate pasta for tea and got into bed when the sun went down at 6pm. We were expecting extreme cold and had all the blankets ready but it was actually a strangely warm night… In the morning we were greeted by a fantail at the lake’s edge. They are peculiar birds which dance passionately at your feet or fly at head level, thrusting their backside feathers in your face.

Although we didn’t know the exact location of the bach we’d be staying in, we didn’t knew it was in a place called Hari Hari (30km away). When we got to the ‘town’ Ants phoned and told us where to find them – 20km off the main road towards the coast! Remote. Ants had had to drive 10km from the bach just to get reception to phone us. The first 10km wound through fields on a sealed road before it became a river of gravel, pits and dust. We reached a shed with windows – our bach. An amazing place with a wonky porch, boarded up windows, rotten steps, mouldy carpet, polystyrene insulation, cobweb and bird poo covered walls/furniture, outside bathroom, hot water cylinder heated by the open fire, hanging bulbs powered by solar panels, fridge powered by gas and by wedging a stick against the gas button. Apparently the way all the bachs once were. Great to see Ants & Sandy, we were all looking forward to a relaxing, quiet weekend. Sandy had planned all kinds of tasty meals – thankfully because there were no shops for 100km.

That afternoon, Ants and I took a couple of bikes from the shed down to find the sea. A 2hr or so return trip through thick bush along a narrow track – avoiding deep puddles at first and then crashing through them. We reached a round hill jutting into the sky called the ‘Doughboy’ which we had to climb. There were fences nailed across the path and danger signs informing us the path was unstable and so closed. We felt like they were encouraging us to continue. The view from the top: mountains, ocean, rivers and marshes – again LOTR. The next stage of our ride was along the beach – almost broke my neck a couple of times reaching soft patches. Carrying our bikes over boulders we found our way to some secret baches on a secluded beach with no road to access them by, only an hour walking track through the bush. Ants fell in love and wanted to buy them all there and then. The evening was spent teaching Ants Dutch Blitz and chatting into the night.

The following day was perfect weather – no wind, blue sky, 20 degrees – still no sign of the predicted 4 Days of Doom. All four of us walked the route in the opposite direction Ants & I had biked. This time we could see snow covered mountains which had been concealed by cloud the day before. Moving more slowly through the bush we noticed mushrooms every colour of the rainbow. It was like Mary Poppins. A part of the walk on the beach was covered by high tide which meant we had to launch ourselves into dense flax vegetation and forge our own path like the intrepid explorers we always knew we were. After the exercise we spent the afternoon reading in the sun. I found a book on edible plants and went looking for dinner. I found a berry I was convinced was edible but it tasted like death so I spat it out.

We packed up early on the Sunday in order that we could meander home. I was on Empty and it was 90km to Hokitika – Hari Hari’s petrol station was closed… Driving nervously, the light came on with 25km left to go…we made it, clewarly, otherwise I wouldn’t be here now. Fuelling ourselves with coffee and fish & chips in Hokitika, we continued on to Christchurch. Another awesome drive though miserable weather – one section called ‘Arthurs Pass’ through the Alps was particularly dramatic. We stopped in a mountain village of the same name and visited a little chapel Di had told us about. It had a large window behind the pulpit with a view of the nearby mountainside, a cascading waterfall filling the frame. Outside, we had a look at the fall and the insanely clear pool it fell into.

That evening Andy & Pauline offered us some floor space to sleep on as we were once again homeless. The next day was spent cleaning the car thoroughly inside and out, ready for sale. Someone has contacted us wanting to buy it but will not be in Christchurch until the end of May so Adam is kindly taking care of it for us.

As our days in Christchurch were sadly coming to an end, the Watt hub took us out for a farewell meal at the local Chinese restaurant. So great. Sandy gave us both t-shirts – Hannah’s with the faces of all the people we’ve met squeezed into the shape of NZ and mine a printout of some colouring-in I had done which had taken me 8 hours one day…

After the meal most of us went out to have a drink at a bar in the city centre. A pile of cigars were poured onto the table and we puffed away. They were from India and had a slightly unpleasant scent about them… Such a lovely time with all the guys. A game of table football was started and the losers were challenged to sing a song at the karaoke bar opposite. Josh and Belly lost and accepted the punishment. The song they were given was ‘Hit me baby, one more time’ by the delightful Britney Spears. Not a brilliant performance but there was passion. Predictably, the British were forced to do a number – I didn’t know the song so our performance was even worse. We stopped at a supermarket for too much ice cream before heading back home where we didn’t go to bed but watched Role Models instead.

Wednesday was spent playing Scrabble with Ally and Joan before another Wed night cook-off where we made mock whitebait patties using grated potato and started a pan fire. It was awesome. After consuming large quantities of potatoes, we returned to Adam’s where we were sleeping for our last few days in Addington and where a pudding party was happening so we could get a chance to say goodbye to everyone we hadn’t the night before. Lots of amazing people there and great to have a chance to say goodbye.

Thursday was our final day in Addington. We spent the morning packing our bags and then went to the cafe where we were treated to a lunch of field mushrooms and french toast by Belly. Just as he was leaving, Sandy and Harmony appeared to play Skip Bo (a new card game). Not to say they made the appearance of playing Skip Bo, they appeared in the cafe in order to play it. After a few games of that and more coffee, I was feeling a little spaced out as Alanna, Lisa, Steph and Josh appeared. We had been sitting on a sofa for over three hours and people were making jokes about us ‘holding court’ for visitors.

Back at the Watts’ for the final time, we gave Hanna and Liv some sweets to make them love us more before we left. Everyone was watching a film about a boy and a dog which they had to tear themselves away from to say goodbye to us around 5:15. Hugs were exchanged and Josh took us to Adam’s to collect our bags. More hugs were exchanged anmd we were off.

Domestic departures at Christchurch airport is very snazzy. There is no human interaction to get a boarding pass. Could have typed in anyone’s name to get their ticket. Our only problem was how to get Lisa & Tom’s folding chairs back to them – we had initially been intending to drive back. It would cost $15 to print an extra baggage tag so we decided to put the chairs through as my hold baggage and attempt to pass my main luggage and hand luggage (combined about 15kg) as 7kg hand luggage. We got away with it and I was very proud to have 3 months stuff as hand luggage. Maude and Lisa met us in Auckland in the rain.

Ruby their kitten has doubled in size. They call it life.

Friday was spent firstly borrowing a car to collect our tickets from an STA branch (a relief) and then writing this blog pretty much the entire day. Fish and chips for tea – joy!

Saturday (TODAY!!!!) was spent with Lisa and Maude who drove us around Auckland to see all the pretty sites. Lovely wooden buildings by lovely sandy beaches and Mt Eden with a huge deep crater from which you could see the entirety of the sprawling city and its 47+ ‘extinct’ volcanoes. A most enjoyable last day topped off with roast chicken in the evening.

Tomorrow we will go to the MacDonalds’ church in the morning and out for a bite to eat before being deposited at the airport for our 16:40 flight to Santiago. We will then spend who knows how many hours on a plane before arriving in Chile around Sunday lunchtime, 4 and a half hours before we left. Please do not ask for clarification, I fear the portal into the parallel dimension will collapse if prodded too inquisitively.

Please note that I am up to date and am for once under no sadistic legalistic obligation to type something which I have written in my journal and feel I must electronicise. I can write anything about anything or I could stop and feel no shame of devilish procrastination.

I could list the ingredients found in the can of coke nearby.

But we all know it is just brown and sugar.

This is an uplifting feeling.

But who knows when I will next have access to a free computer – this experience is temporary. The next week will hopefully be spent on a bus from Santiago, Chile to Bogata, Columbia. I say ‘hopefully’ not because I gain joy from sticky cramped unbelievably long journeys on Spanish buses but because we haven’t booked anything and I hope we actually find a bus that will take us.

Funny to think what a different world we will be in just tomorrow lunchtime. Especially when it is midnight and tomorrow lunchtime is a lot longer than a day away…!!

Brownout.